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Welcome to Lasting Affection!

Mental health wellness, news, and information



Relocating my Oakland Office!

Greetings my friends, colleagues, current and future clients, on April 15th 2017, I will be relocating my Oakland Office to beautiful Alameda! The new location will be posted after the move. If you are thinking of referring to me, think Alameda and Albany offices! To contact me my phone number, and email will be the same. Thank you everyone for your support. I has been rewarding to see so many lives enhance and transformed through working together! Blessings!


Can parents ruin their kids? Scary thought, isn't it?

As a parent of teenagers and a therapist providing parenting skills to many parents, I know that parents try their best to raise successful children. However, parents can do things that inadvertently prevent their children from developing keen executive functioning skills, social skills and emotional intelligence, which are necessary to function as confident and competent adults.

Here is something that I have noticed about many of the college students in the UCs and State Colleges in the Bay Area that I've counseled for over 11 years. They often fall in one of the following situations: a freshmen in college, relocating from out of state or country, feeling alone and lonely, struggling to make the "right" decisions about their romantic relationships, or having to make a major decision about their education/career. The most common diagnosis for college students are Major Depression, Social Anxiety, or Generalized Anxiety Disorder. Most of the students' depression or anxiety are triggered by the adjustments they are experiencing and they do not have coping skills and are afraid to make decision for themselves.

Most of the students are petrified of making the wrong decisions. They are afraid of disappointing their parents, friends, people in general and feel damned if they do and damed if they don't. Most parents have done so much for their children, such as rescuing and sparing them from any and all inconvenience, discomfort, and made most of the "important" decisions for them. As a result, many of these student have not had the practice of orienting themselves to what they really need or want, to make that decision and learn to make adjustments from their mistakes. Without practice, these students have poorly developed organizational skills, self-discipline and are not able to follow through to accomplsh what they desire. These are very important skills to have to be a successful college student. Recently I came across an article "What a Stanford Dean Says Parents are Doing That’s Ruining Their Kids" on facebook. This speaks to what I have observed and it will help you make changes to your parenitng approach so your child can begin to learn some of these skills. I think this is worth reading and considering. Enjoy!


"Fighting Well" Can Strengthen Your Relationship

Many people have asked about my approach in doing couple therapy but I have not found a good way to share that with my audience until now. I have been trained by Dr. Stan Tatkin, PsyD, MFT,  a clinician, researcher, teacher, developer of A Psychobiological Approach to Couple Therapy® (PACT), and my mentor. I have been so blessed by his work and wanted to share with my audience his PACT approach which I use with my clients. Here is a link to a interview with Dr. Stan Tatkin that will give you a better idea of how I do couple therapy. The interview is titled "How 'Fighting Well' Can Strengthen Your Relationship." He shares about the importance of understanding how the brain works so we can know how to take care of our partner. Learning how to be attuned to your partner's facial expression and body language, and knowing how to reduce threat, are some skills my clients learn. Just click the above link and see for yourself.


Do couples need to solve all their problems?

After 15 years of research, the University of Denver develped the Prevention and Relationship Enhancement Program (PREP) to help couples overcome problems in their relatioships. However, they found that 70 percent of the issues couples deal with don't really need to be solved, just well discussed! Have you tried to have full discussions about an issue where you both listened well and really heard each other? Try it out and let me know what happened. If you find yourselves having difficulty doing this, maybe it's time to seek some help with communication skills. Learn the skills to undue the negative patterns before it's too late.


A Grateful Heart Makes Relationships Fonder

          Every year during Thanksgiving we have the tradition of thinking of things we are grateful for. Some people seem to be blessed with so much and have many reasons to be grateful, but others may find few things to be grateful for.  People often think of the big things that they are grateful for like a new promotion, a newborn baby, marrying the love of your life, or going on a vacation they've always dreamed of. These are definitely things to be grateful for but what about the many things that we do receive that are seemingly insignificant which we often take for granted?  Here is my list of things I have not shared before that I am grateful for. 

  •     My husband’s ability to forgive me when I keep doing things that irritate him
  •     My children’s patience when I nag them after saying I wouldn’t do it
  •     The people who don’t usually come to see me but showed up to pray for me when I was bedridden
  •     My sister-in-laws’ delicious food, gifts, and friendships
  •     Those who thought of me and sent me a texts, email, Facebook shout-outs, likes, birthday cards and holiday cards
  •     My mechanic brothers who saved me a ton of time and money
  •     Nephews and nieces who are so polite, kind, and respectful
  •     Those who thought of me and packed me food from an event I was not able to attend
  •     My mother-in-law’s thoughtfulness in packing me treats from special events
  •     My father-in-law who never fails to give my kids a lift when I am not able
  •     My mom’s fish she caught and special bread that she makes
  •     My brother-in-laws’ care and friendship with my teenage boys
  •     My pastor’s optimism that is contagious
  •     Mienh class students and children’s choir who bring me joy
  •     Those at my church who bless me through their gratitude and words of encouragement
  •     Support and encouragements from my colleagues/friends


          What about your list? These things may seem unimportant but they are like webs that bind relationships together to make them strong and lasting. The things of this world get old, break, and get tossed out, but memories of loving kindness in your relationships will not be forgotten. Remember that people may forget what you say but they will always remember how you made them feel.

          Gratitude is great medicine for mental health and interpersonal relationships. This Thanksgiving, take time to thank those who have blessed you. Although it may seem insignificant to them, it was important to you; so bless them by expressing your gratitude for how they have made a difference in your life.

  Happy Thanksgiving!!